Making Tax Marvel-Ous
07th March 2019
Radical Interplanetary Finances Team: Tax Refunds Division
Official interview transcript, dated 06/03/2019
Interview subject: Carol Danvers – registered trading name: Captain Marvel
Interview commences: 13:36pm
RIFT: Thank you for coming in, Ms. Danvers. Your military work must keep you busy.
CM: Not a problem. Actually, things seem a little… quieter than I remember the last time I was here. On Earth, I mean.
RIFT: Yes, you tend to get than when a large purple man turns half the universe to ash because he doesn’t understand how population growth works. You should probably look into that unfortunate business when you get a moment. Now – I see you haven’t made a tax refund claim since…
CM: 1995. That’s when I left Earth to join Starforce.
RIFT: Riiight. Well, I’m afraid you can only claim refunds on expenses incurred in the previous 4 tax years. That said, you could be looking at quite a sizeable claim here. This “Starforce” thing – this was an overseas posting?
CM: Kind of. It’s an elite military unit based on the Kree homeworld of Hala.
RIFT: So – quite a long journey, then?
CM: You might say that. It’s out in the Large Magellanic Cloud. About 50 kiloparsecs away, give or take. That’s 163,000 light-years, door-to-door.
RIFT: Okay, then I’ve got some good news for you. Although you ended up working out there for a quarter of a century, relativistic distortion means it still counts as a temporary workplace in real terms. You can claim the first 10,000 miles at the 45p AMAP rate. The remaining, let’s see… 1,916,880 trillion miles you covered both ways will only net you 25p per mile.
CM: A lot of that travel was for training purposes. Does that still count?
RIFT: As long as it was essential for your job, then it should be fine. We should also talk about your professional body fees or subscriptions for Starforce or SHIELD at some point. For now, though, any equipment or specialised clothing you’re repairing or replacing yourself?
CM: Starforce gave me the uniform, but I still have to pay to have the Skrull-juice bleached out of it.
RIFT: Skrull-juice? What is that, some kind of occupational hazard?
CM: Pretty much. It’s what you get on you when you squeeze a Skrull – which is what a lot of my work’s really about.
RIFT: Excellent – repair and maintenance of essential clothing and equipment is an important part of a tax refund claim. Now - as a pilot, you’re entitled to a Flat Rate Fixed Expenses Allowance of £1,022 per year. As a higher rate taxpayer, it’s basically worth £408 on its own. You can also claim £110 per year for travel to and from medical examinations. Between that and your travel expenses, you’re looking at a total refund of a hair over £497 trillion for the 2017/18 tax year. It usually takes around 8-10 weeks for HMRC to process the claim, though.
CM: That’s fine. I’ve got a few errands to run while I’m here anyway. You mentioned something about a purple man wiping out half the universe?
RIFT: Yes, he’s coming in at 3pm. Apparently, he’s broken some “gauntlet” he needs for work and wants to know if he can claim the repair cost as an allowable expense…